Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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