ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
