Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize