if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
