i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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