I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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