I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
