I cockslap morals
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize