Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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