The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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