You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
