I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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