i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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