She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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