I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
