Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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