My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
