Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
