i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
