You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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