11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
