So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
