So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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