I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
