i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
