Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize