note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
