SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
