i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
