Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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