I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
