I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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