Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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