I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize