we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
