So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
