I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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