you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
