you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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