Duck Duck Cougar?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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