capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
