So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
