I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
