somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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