i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
