He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
