facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize