i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
