At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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