I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I'm always down for nudity.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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