can u get pink eye on your cock?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
