and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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