Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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