somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
You pole danced in your parka.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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