my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
