i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize