we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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