we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize