I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
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