you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
