Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
