No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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