woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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