I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
