I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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