I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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