what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
