Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
