There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
