Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
