i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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