Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
