I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
