Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
