I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Pants are for mortals
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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