My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
