Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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