I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we're making bets on your personal life
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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