Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
