Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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