So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I wish I only lived at night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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