You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
