why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
