so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I will pee on everything he values.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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