If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
